Know You're ::
BEER Rules ::
In the Jump Plane ::
You Know You're a Skydiver When...
*Someone offers you a second plate of a very delicious and fattening
and you say: "No thank you, I'm watching my fall rate."
*Each time you ride on an airline you insist on sitting by the door
*You get engaged, and your spouse-to-be is thinking, "I can't believe
convinced him(her) to take the honeymoon in Paris!" and YOU'RE
can't believe I convinced her(him) to take the honeymoon in Perris!"
*You're watching a movie and someone falls/jumps/gets pushed off a building
you yell "PULL!!"
*You can't put on a backpack without checking for leg straps.
*You're taking a walk, spot a good sized field, and check for obstacles
wind direction to see how you'd make your final.
*You're sitting in the TWA dome in St. Louis, the Rams score, the crowd
and you're thinking "I bet I could base this thing. I've got my
rig in the
*Your clothes are kept on the floor so that your gear can have it's
*You'll wake up at 6:30am on the weekends to get to the DZ, but you
to be awake by 7:30 on the weekdays to be at work by 8.
*BOC goes from meaning "Blue Oyster Cult" to meaning "Bottom
*You're making love to your partner and they whisper "I've never
before" and you yell out "BEEEER!".
*On cloudy/windy days you go to the drop zone anyway and bitch about
*On cloudy/windy days you pull out your parachute and pack it just to
you've done something skydiving-related.
*You "dirt-dive", "post-dive" and critique your
*The smell of bug spray makes you think of skydiving.
*Whenever a passenger in a fast-moving car, you stick your head out
and yell "FIVE LEFT" to the driver.
Whenever leaving an establishment you yell "DOOR" to all the
opening the door.
*You don't own any clothing that you didn't get at a boogie.
*Every single one of your whuffo friends is to the point of wanting
to kill you
every time you mention skydiving.
*You analyze every flag you see in terms of it's too windy/not too windy
*You analyze every flag you see in terms of which direction you'd face
*It's a dark sky with low clouds and you're thinking "Hop -n- Pops!".
*It's so windy that trees are bending over and you're thinking "Cross
*You allow a maximum 55 seconds of "working time" when making
*You can't think of a good reason to pick up your mail for three weeks
your issues of "Skydiving" and "Parachutist" arrive.
*You feel naked without at least one jump ticket in your wallet.
*You sign your checks with your name and USPA number.
*You know to the tenth of a mile how far it is from your driveway to
*Every time someone's beeper goes off you look at your watch to see
*You don't remember your anniversary or your mother's birthday, but
down to the second how much accumulated freefall time you have.
*You analyze sessions of love-making in terms of "points turned".
*You refer to your recent break-up as an "intentional cut-away".
*You check the local weather forecast every hour before the weekend.
*You get mad at the weatherman when he predicts rain for the weekend.
*You can't remember the true meanings of the words "Stiletto"
*You walk everywhere watching the sky.
*You show up at the DZ even on the worst-weather days because at least
sit around drinking beer.
*You can't mention the word "first" in casual conversation,
at work, or ever in
reference to yourself.
*You have your paycheck direct-deposited into the DZ account.
*You plan your vacations around skydiving boogies.
*On a full moon night, you look up and think "Night jumps!"
*You know the DZ phone number while you don't even know your own.
*You know what the lines mean on a weather map.
*HIM, HIM.....FUCK HIM!!
*Anytime you have sex with someone for the first time you think "Beer!"
*You've kissed more people in freefall than you have on the ground.
*Your whuffo friends just don't understand why you would want to "do"
*You drive a beaten-up car because you really need that new canopy more.
*You have no idea what is happening on the weekends in your town.
*You have more pairs of Tevas than you do sneakers.
*You catch yourself flaking the bed instead of making it.
*The term "PC" makes you think of pilot chutes, not personal
*You name your dog "Toggles".
*Hey Asshole!.....What?!? Count off!.....ONE!
*You wonder what whuffos _DO_ with themselves on gorgeous summer weekends
*You look at your VCR and think, "Hmm, that's gotta be worth a
*You forget to lower your voice when talking to your jumper friends
restaurant about the weekend's lost dildos, loose leg straps and lack
*You refer to Weddings, Funerals, Birthdays, etc. as 'Relative Work'
*You wish for wind, rain, snow, earthquakes, locusts, tornadoes, etc.
you have to work or have other 'Relative Work' to do.
*You can't imagine how anyone can go on vacation without a parachute.
*Your rig costs more than your trailer.
*The word "4-way" has a whole new meaning.
*You love the smell of 'Jet A' in the morning!
*Losing your job is a reason for celebration!
*Your 'work' clothes have grippers.
*You wear a Skydiving T-shirt and bring a six pack to a job interview.
*You try to convince the State Trooper that your "D" license
allows you to do
*Your log book is thicker than any book you've ever read.
*You stop by the New River Bridge and take a look. All the others are
'damn, look how high it is' and you're saying 'damn, look how low it
*When you buy anything you calculate how many skydives it will cost.
*When you wear your rig on commercial passenger flights, just in case.
*When seeing seats in a twin otter gives you the willies.
*When you go to divorce court and give your ex everything as long as
keep all your skydiving gear.
*When buying a house seems like a terrible waste of jump money.
*When you own three rigs, three altimeters, three Dytters....
*When you log a jump on December 25 and the fact it is Christmas doesn't
*Your six year old son can teach the first jump course.
*You put your arms down and back in a full track when running down stairs.
*You estimate your chances of pulling off a hard front riser turn when
out any window above four stories.
*When you wake up with a mean hangover in a tent, the first thing you
your rig. Then the person sleeping next to you.
*You find yourself mentally telling the pilot when to flare while landing
*Your Christmas tree has more skydivers on it that an Otter can carry.
*Your thinking about taking all the but the driver's seats out of your
*Every time you get pulled over for speeding you tell the cop you just
your first skydive in the hopes that he will let you go.
*Your favorite movie in the world is just over sixty seconds long.
*Your whuffo friends only call if the weather man says the weekend will
*Your friends look at the sky and say, "look at all those clouds",
and you say,
"look at all those holes!".
*You wake up in the morning feeling like death warmed over, after having
too many beers the night before, and your solution to this consists
in an extremely loud vehicle for about twenty minutes, throwing yourself
the door and NOT! killing yourself.
*You can't think of a better way to relax other than falling 10,000
*You fill out your packing data card in Braille and try to convince
zone owner it's legal.
*When you see a green stop light you open a beer.
*You won't go on a commercial airliner without your gear.
*You consider sleeping in a slanted plane as comfortable.
*You see an incredibly beautiful woman and you think, "hmm, I wonder
if I can
talk her into......skydiving!".
*Your girlfriend holds out her left hand and says the word diamond.
a four-way formation, look at your girlfriends hand realize the diamond
talking about is going to cost over 200 jumps, and then, with a smile,
your girlfriend's suitcases on the porch.
*Your friend says "let's go to the beach", and you grab your
*You try to convince the flight attendant on a commercial flight that
really! would be much more comfortable sitting on the floor.
*Your friends think it's funny to, when you are sleeping, blow a fan
face and set a beeper off near your ear.
*When someone asks you where you're from, you reply with the name of
not your hometown.
You Know You're an Old-Time Skydiver
*You think PC stands for ParaCommander.
*You still call them AOD's .
*You know the rules for SCS and SCR.
*You HAVE and SCS AND and SCR.
*You call it "Freak Flying" instead of "Sit Fly"
and can do it without a
special jump suit.'
*You still call it the "Freak Brothers" convention.
*You remember when safety meetings weren't.
*You can't tell the difference between BOC and a "pull out"
except you don't
get to pull your own pin.
*You remember when turf surfing was something students did, not hot
*You think Pink is a stupid gear color for guys.
*You KNOW what else to do on a weekend.
*You think they are ALL "fun" jumps.
*You think a collapsible pilot chute is something bad.
*You think diapers go on Homes.
*You don't call a jump from 9,500 a "cloud base" jump.
*When "pro" packing is something your rigger does.
*When paying someone to pack your Home is a waste of perfectly good
*When you lament the loss of the need to "stand tension" cause
it gave your
girl friend something to do.
*You know who Lew Sanborn is and can spell his first name.
*You still call them ASOs.
*You know what a "jesus string" is.
*You remember when you actually wanted to buy a Paraflite Home.
*You catch yourself using the term "snoot" every once in a
*Camera suits were used for RW.
*Waivers were on a 3"x5" index card...along with the rest
of your info.
*Competition judges actually had to stand outside.
*You remember when a 5-cell canopy was the cat's meow.
*You can remember when $7.00 to 12,000 ft was highway robbery.
*You remember deliberately doing hook turns downwind into the ground
to stomp a
*You remember why the pea gravel pit was invented.
*You remember swearing never to remove *any* padding off of a harness.